Through my years as a special education teacher, I have known a number of incredible parents. Mothers and Fathers who started out this journey of parenting just like all of us did. They moved through pregnancy looking forward to having a perfectly beautiful bundle of joy. They anticipated raising a child through all the stages from baby to toddler, to school age, to adolescent, to adult. They expected first words & steps, play dates, school activities, ball games, sleepovers, college days, weddings, and grandchildren.

However, life doesn’t always go just as we planned. When a parent doesn’t get the child they expected, life may be turned upside down before it can get right side up again. Parents may go through stages of grief and hopelessness before they come to acceptance and hope.

During my teaching years, I had the privilege of knowing some incredible parents. There were some mothers who were particularly inspirational to me. I saw these moms twice every day during drop off and pick up times. Often, they stayed a few extra minutes to talk with me about their child, their lives, and their experiences.

As I listened to their stories, frustrations, and fears, I felt such empathy. They had to fight for every little victory they received. With one mother in particular, there were fights with insurance companies to help pay for necessary mobility equipment. There were fights with school districts to get the best education program for her child. There were countless doctors and therapy visits.  Her daughter had a specialist for most every part of her body. She had a neurologist, orthopedist, gastroenterologist, cardiologist, ophthalmologist, urologist, pulmonologist, geneticist, and pediatrician. She had physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, feeding therapy, and mobility specialists. Feeding equipment for her g-tube which included the formula, tubing, pump, etc. cost $2500 per month before insurance paid and they were left with paying 20%. They had to buy a very expensive, special van with a lift as the child’s weight became too much for the mother to handle.  Aside from the wheelchair, they had to buy special equipment such as a large size car seat, bathtub lift, large size potty chair, hospital type bed with safety rails, special diapers, and the list goes on. The time and money invested in this child was more than I could even get my mind around.

I talked to this mother about things that those of us not living in the world of disabilities need to know about in order to help parents in her situation. While she had some practical suggestions for me, the one thing that I found most heartbreaking was the feeling of isolation that she had. While she had some new found friends in the disability community, she had almost no relationship with old friends and even some family members. Once she had her special baby with all the baggage that came with the diagnosis, old friends dropped out of sight. In her words, she said, “If someone would have just dropped by with a coffee or something. Just anything to know that they cared about us and what we were going through. That would have meant so much!”

I want to give some suggestions for ways we can help parents as they deal with the news that their child has a diagnosis.

• Deliver a meal in a non-returnable container
• Purchase a gift card to a restaurant that has take-out, gas station, grocery, pharmacy, or coffee shop
• Provide or hire lawn or housekeeping services
• Purchase hospital parking tokens or vouchers
• Send or give cash
• Offer to run errands
• Purchase diapers or other necessities
• Pick up and take other children to school and activities
• Give of your time allowing parents to nap, have a date, spend time with other children
• Give time or money to a cause or organization that is important to the family
• Lend your ear and a shoulder to cry on
• Visit the family during hospital stays

Most of all, just don’t abandon families who find themselves in these circumstances. Just as some children with a disability may need parental support throughout their lives, their parents will need support from us through out their lives. Let these families be your opportunity to show the love and compassion of Jesus.